selamat kembali ke negeri abadi

senyuman dia,

itu yang buat aku tertarik untuk mengenali beliau.

gigi yang cantik tersusun rapi

disebalik bibir yang mungil merah jambu

sekali lagi

apabila aku mendengar suara gelak manjanya

aku bagai terpukau

aku seperti sudah dipanah oleh bidadari

lalu, dari salam aku beri

kata kata manis aku sua

aku tidak pernah berharap sapaan ini akan disambut

setiap dari itu

setiap titik perbualan disahut berkali kali

bagai ketukan pintu yang bertalu talu

begitu mudah hati aku dicuri

cukup 

cukup sampai itu aku ceritakan luarannya

kerana itu sahaja yang aku tahu

dan begitu juga kamu semua

dia handal 

setiap segi seluruh sisi 

dari dunia maya menerobos ke realiti

satu kehidupan

dia bina satu tingkap kaca yang nipis

diluarnya berkilau dan didalamnya garis calar

semoga Tuhan dan dia saja yang tahu

selamat kembali

hari khamis malam jumaat

orang kata hari itu telah merupakan hari terbaik apabila seseorang itu telah pergi

ke negeri abadi

kau menuju ke pencipta yang satu,

tempat asal cinta

dan tempat asal kita iaitu tanah

bidadariku

terima kasih diatas pengenalan yang singkat

dari salamku yang kau sudi sambut

hingga setiap dari satu yang telah berhenti

hati yang telah dicuri turut terbang sendiri

berehatlah

dunia ini terlalu mengecewakan dan memenatkan untuk kamu.... (dan kami semua)

moga kita jumpa lagi

Selamat Hari Lahir, selamat kembali ke negeri abadi❤️

innalilahhiwaiiailaihirojiun...

Al-Fatihah NSSZ (alin)

,pipas

it is what it is

There is something about the number 5 either it is 15, 25, or even 50. I think it is because I turned 25 on the 15th of September. It's Virgo season you all *though I am not a believer in horoscopes*. I mean. . .  what's wrong with 25? it is just the same as before. you turned a year older or like most everyone used to say " Age is just a number". *shrugged*

In my own self vocabulary, I feel like, at 25, your life should be "perfect". Again, in my own perfect terms meaning, you finally graduated on time, married, have a stable job, got a nice car, yadda yadda, and so on. You know, where everything just falls into its own places. That is what my 15-year-old dream is. Yep, she dares to dream as big as an elephant. She dreams a lot. For example, she wants to dress up, who she wants to marry, what city she finally settle in. All those kinds of things just *poof* disappear once she finally turned a quarter century. 

???

*taps microphone*

 Ladies and Gentleman,

This is where reality hits, unfortunately.

So, what it feels like turning a quarter century huh?

On that day, my family and I went to PD. We stayed for one night. Nothing special happened as it was just a normal family dinner at stalls beside our hotel. After dinner, I walked to the beach and finally got my toes to feel the sand. This year, I got a lot of chances to go to the beach but I never really go close to the sea or walk barefoot on the sand. However, I don't know, I think going to the beach at night feels some kind of . . . therapeutic. I love the vibes and I enjoyed talking about random issues while hearing the sound of waves. After that, we went back to the hotel and slept. That's it. Nothing fancy. A simple birthday celebration just likes how I wanted to. I guess physically I'm ready but emotionally I'm not. 

.

.

.

.

.

I feel. . . terrible, honestly. Close to numb (?)

I feel numb when the 15th has passed. I get mixed feelings and am also scared. I'm scared at the part where I feel like I have so many things to catch up in life as there are still a lot of things I need to explore, learn and experience and at the same time I'm not ready to bear the responsibility when the future comes.

I saw my colleagues getting married. One by one. They got a nice job and a nice place to stay. To summarise, they have a nice life. A life that is how I picture myself. And when you see others living the life that you wanted so much. . . it actually kills you inside. That's what overthinking and insecurity kick in. 

"Your planning

  Allah planning

  But somehow Allah's plans are the best."

                                                                        

Sometimes I forgot these quotes exist and how Hikmah and Redha words linger in the back of my mind and how powerful and merciful the power of Him holds for us. But if you ask me, it still hurts.

Therefore, Happy Birthday dear self. Cheers!

,u12

untitled

they are my people

I said

this is my friend

they stayed, even though the season changed

this is our table

as people come and go

run and walk pass-through

but we still sat and stood 

and here come the tidal waves

you wouldn't expect that

I said me too

and we become a year older

and a lot too wiser

we split up

you are stranded somewhere island

and I decide to just keep swimming

I know you miss

or probably you don't

I understand the sadness,

rage and disappointment

you found a husband

At the same time, I found my closure

yesterday I saw you

full in white, happily married

I want to reach you

but I doubt you want me too

,pipas

untitled

you only miss the idea of him(her)

maybe someday - colleen hoover

I know I should not feel like this in the first place but it is wrong to invalidate my feelings. we are entering a new year like 'its new year new me' so I should speak up or spill what I feel right?

I know when I'm saying this people would think "shes's just petty over small things" or "exaggerate over small things" but that's just how I feel all this time.

All my effort seems like nothing to her

my sincerity, undivided attention, and all the love as a family or someone who I treat like a biological sister, I think all of these are not enough to budge her introverted heart. 

Every time I try to longer this conversation, I feel like communication is not something her favor and I stop being pushy by being understanding but I guess my impatient heart is just had enough for that.

Maybe I should stop and see how would she react if I decided to leave first?

or maybe she doesn't care and go on with her usual life, proceed to live in her own world. A world without me in it.

With that being said, thank you for having me. 

If you still need me, I'm here. 

Even if you don't, I'm here but not as enthusiastic as before.

,u12

0031

There is a saying,

if two exes remain friends after a break-up, it's either they are still in love or they are going to be best friends forever.

and ever since I saw that quote/statement, I can't stop thinking about it. . . .

,u12