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may the fourth be with you... to my used to be #1,

I'm sorry if I have to say that I will always be going to keep reminiscing our promises years ago back when we were still teens and a time when a lot of our friends didn’t know that I had this huge crush on you. It was silly, I know that, and today when I think about it again, I feel dreadfully embarrassed lol.

I mean at that time, we, accidentally become friends where I secretly put your name on one of 'my best friends' lists. We and Nia (not the real name here) are hanging at the library. Just to study, finishing the assignments during study week and you help me burn the CDs using my laptop. We hang out during the final season and someday I would bring us to the secret port which is the rooftop where there is not a lot of people who knew about that place at that time. The rooftop is my favorite spot. Hidden gems. It is because we can clearly see the whole view of our campus and mountains that I think it was just an undiscovered forest. 

And ever since then, I feel comfortable that I show you the other side of me you didn't know until  I heard you said:  "You are not the person that I thought you would be the first time I saw you". It's funny because I don't even know who am I. I am just a plain girl with big glasses who wore black shawl every day. Boring. That is what people used to claim me just because I let them. But you're not. You see me as a friend and I started to feel attached and charmed by your honest gesture. 

It was like you charmed me in a way I don’t know how and I don't know why

In spite of that, the day when you left this small city is the day I don't think I will ever visit the rooftop again. You decided to pursue in another field where I believe that is what you and your family always wanted just like mine. We couldn’t finish our studies and graduate together but still, we didn't lose contact. I still know some things about you that your friends don't and  I used to think it was a credit for me. Unfortunately, you still see me as a friend until I enroll in my degree. I still rant to you about all those days where I hate this life where everything is so new to me. I hate that I have to commute just to get to class and climb a hill of stairs. I hate that I know that I failed and I have to repeat o.c. paper. 

Until one day, I don't know how and I don't know why. Your charms never work on me anymore. It stopped. Maybe, just maybe because of all these unreciprocated feelings I receive or finally I learn to let some things go and the first thing I want is you. It simple. It was simple than I thought. Simple than the hardest pill I have to swallow when I got rejected. I guess I become more matured (lol). 

So, every fourth of may come. I still remember you because you turn a year older.

With everything left in me of you, you are my best friend and it will remain how it should be.

Goodbye,

,u12