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My mother who named by MM

Mother

She gave me everything that I want

She basically sold her soul and body to God

from God, she was created and 

to God, I know I have to let everything go...

everything as when the time comes

of every piece of scrape and every scent of her in the corner of this house

“You were an angel in the shape of my mum” 

Ed Sheeran (Supermarket flowers)

I was not born accidentally. It like everything was planned. A God's plan. But because of the sincerity, pure love between two lovers, and His blessing, I was born when she was 30. And it's funny how late I am to realize the gap of years we have. My mother, she is everything every woman wanted to be or wishes to be in their life. Jealousy or envy is just not the right words because we women stand and support each other. Competitive? (Maybe) Yes. To be said pretty is subjective but the way she brought herself into this world is amazing and I called it ridiculously beautiful, at least for me. Independent, intelligent, kind, stern and there are no words to describe how amazed my mother in my eyes.

She loves us. By us, I mean my siblings, my brothers, and her husband. Wholeheartedly. She loves me as a daughter though. To me, to love by her, that was more than enough because I see, I read and I know that there are (some) people who don't have the same privilege as mine. When I say privilege I cover things like a relationship, a bond between parents and children. Small talks, simple praises, small kisses, and small little things like I don't know or I can't imagine. Maybe to some parents, becoming parents means you have to sacrifice certain things in life. And I know some people not ready for it to happen soon.

Nevertheless, I am grateful for mine. I know I don't portray or display posts like everyone else. I always thought my love is quiet and....abstract? I just know that I love my parents as much as I keep their names in my prayer and I slowly perceive myself becoming like them.

My mother

It all started when I was young, sick, and naughty. That's what she always said to me. She teaches me mathematics. It just seems like yesterday, I still remember I failed to do my homework and catch up with the subtopic. I don't know how to solve the division question. Lol. And because of that, I have to sit in my pajamas on Saturday morning to the lunch hour just to make myself really really powerful on that topic. I did. My mother never sent me to school but I know she bought me, my first water bottle colored turquoise and I'm proudly wearing it on the first day of primary school. The teacher just has to ask everyone about each one of us ambition and write it on the book. I vividly remember my first ambition was to become a doctor. But, as time passes by, I wanted to be like my mother. My 8 years old wonder what my mother does for a living but I can recall that I want to be a woman with a career at the same time become a mother and wife to a small family.

Being the only daughter in this family, she always reminds me how to bring myself out. How to be an independent woman. I was 11 years old when my father had to go back and forth every weekend around 6 months from our rental house (City B) to Perak, his workplace to see us. The distance was crazy. I can still see in the back of my mind, we fetched my father at the train station at 2.00am  Saturday and I had to say goodbye again at 7.00am  Sunday. We have to live in that way. I don't understand why but I learn that I accept it. And because of that time, she was a parent to me, my mother is also my father on weekdays, and being that way, I have to learn to cook, doing laundry, taking care of my little brother, and ease her burden. It was worth it. The experience is so worth it. The Ramadhan month was a bit struggle for us. I don't know how to tell because I can't remember some pieces of memories about it but all I can say is we struggle in a different way but we managed to overcome until things become normal. For some reason, City B has become the most memorable place in my heart until today.

My mother

She gave me the best present when she decided to move here (SAC) and bring us along. I love this city with all my heart. I swear with every vein in my body (so dramatic I know). At first, I feel so hesitant and scared, because I have to live in a new environment, making new friends who I thought way different from what I had in my old town. But you know I had my heartbreak before I came to this city? I feel betrayed by some of my friends, and because of that, I didn't attend on the last day of school and unintentionally purposely came late to take my examination result. Lol, that kind of heartbreak. But as I grew older and out of school. I try to mend things, especially with my own feelings because I feel like things happened when I was teens and you know when they said teens are rebellious and stubborn, you have to believe that. So I rest my case for that. But you know there are some people who just move on with their life (or everything) and you just can't do anything about them. You smile and you also move on with everything that happened revolves around you.

Now, when we finally settle down I got to pick and paint my own room with my favorite color, we got to try a lot of things. By 'we' I mean for myself excitedly. I had a chance to bake cookies, cook, and try new recipes that I always want or I crave for. I got to do that with my mother who supports what I want. She let me explore and do new things on my own. Honestly, I feel happy and content because this is what I always wanted. I finally own her trust.

Of course, there are times where things just slip and out of hand like we just argue, bicker and I would just argue back. I yell. I slam the door. I make her cried. I made her worried. I despise her decision. I do some things behind her back. I'm not a daughter who she would always imagine for and I can't count how many times I just keep disappointing her. I deliberately missed her calls and casually said I love my father more than her. But, I will always come back to her. I will because she is my mother.

I realize it too late but they said it is better late than never.

I love my mother like I see her myself and I like that

Happy Mother's Day mother.

9.May.2021

,u12